


The Progress We Make

by gentlelogic



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fighting, Gen, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 14:35:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19358974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gentlelogic/pseuds/gentlelogic
Summary: Virgil’s making progress. Every single day.But nothing is really… linear.





	The Progress We Make

  1. **_one step forward_**



Virgil lays across the couch, feet propped in Roman’s lap, tiredly blinking up at the marks on the ceiling. His cellphone is a comforting weight on his chest, buzzing every once in a while with a stray notification- likely tumblr. The television flashes, reflecting blue and purple lights on the ceiling. Virgil draws in another breath. Then sits up tiredly, letting his phone drop into his lap. 

Roman looks away from the television and smiles at Virgil. “Morning, sleeping beauty.” 

“It is not yet morning, Roman,” Logan spoke up from his spot on the floor, just below Virgil. “It is 10 PM.” 

“Eleven,” Patton corrects from beside Roman, smushed up against his side. “We’ve been watching for an hour.”

Logan looks startled and checks his phone, eyes widening. “We should be asleep.”

“One night won’t kill us, Sir Nerd.”

“Roman. Shut your mouth,” Logan snaps.

Virgil rolls his eyes with a snort, shifting his legs off of Roman’s lap. Logan rises and tells everyone of his plan to go to bed and how they all should attempt to do so as well within the next half hour. The three stay in silence. Roman and Patton watch the television quietly while Virgil tiredly unlocks his phone, scrolling through Tumblr. 

Eventually, Patton rises and tells the two that he is heading to bed. He tells them he loves them. He bends down and presses a kiss to Roman’s forehead. Before Virgil can even consider what’s happening, Patton is leaning down, gently brushing a kiss to the top of Virgil's head too. 

“Love you, kiddo,” he says quietly and walks off, like he hasn’t smacked him in the chest with the biggest bout of warmth Virgil has felt in a long time. 

Virgil rubs the top of his head, the ghost of the kiss still there. His hands are trembling and he lets them drop into his lap as he gazes at the television, eyes unseeing. 

“He loves you,” Roman says quietly. 

Virgil looks up. “Hm?” 

Roman mutes the television and crosses his legs, turning to Virgil with a lopsided smile. “He does. Patton. Loves you.” His fingers tug nervously at his white pyjama bottoms and he looks back to Virgil with the same smile still there. 

“Okay?” Virgil says hesitantly. The two go quiet for a long moment. Then, Roman meets Virgil’s eyes again. 

“I’m sorry.”

Virgil frowns and stuffs his hands into the pocket of his hoodie. “Why? For what?”

“For everything,” Roman says. He’s stopped looking at Virgil now, eyes trained down to his fingers, which twist onto his lap skittishly. “For making you out to always be the antagonist, always making you out to be the man in the wrong. For treating you like an outcast. For...for hurting you. Like that.” Roman looks back up. “It was undignified and cruel and I’m sorry.”

Virgil can’t help his cynical smile or the remark that comes out. “Another apology from Princey? Wow. I think you’ve broken some record.”

Roman flinches. “I’m sorry, Virgil. Really. And I want to... be your friend. After everything- I’d understand if you completely hated me.” 

Virgil’s smile drops. “I know.” He takes a deep breath. “I forgive you. All right? I do. And we’re already friends. We’ve just gotta... you know. Work on stuff. And it’ll work out- er, work _better_ , with time.”

Roman smiles, eyes lighting up. “Yeah?”

“Sure.”

“Fabulous.” Roman rises. “Goodnight, Dark Knight.” He winks and heads off to his room, too-big pants dragging the ground as he goes. 

Virgil sits on the couch a while longer, phone pressed against his chest, and eyes shut, as he dwells over Roman’s words. 

_I want to be your friend._

Finally, Virgil rises. He shuts off the television, folds Patton’s discarded blanket, and turns off the lights. He goes to sleep with a calm beyond description settled in his chest and mind.

  1. **_two steps back ( & maybe a 1/2 of one forward)_**



Virgil’s never been fond of yelling. Especially when it’s amongst his friends, not enemies. And sitting in Thomas’s living room, while everyone yells (besides Patton- but Virgil is almost certain Patton is incapable of yelling), and accomplishes absolutely nothing. 

But, oh, he must be some sort of hypocrite because he thinks he’s the one yelling the loudest.

“-And, and, AND! We cannot let his fiend stifle your dreams any longer!” Roman shouts. 

Virgil rolls his eyes as Thomas raises an eyebrow and says, “Roman, buddy, Virgil isn’t suggesting we up and quit our dream-”

“No,” Logan agrees. “Virgil is merely suggesting a break. And while I disagree with the duration of the break- an eternity is an unreasonable amount of time and you know it-” Virgil scowls and Logan merely adjusts his glasses in response, “a break nonetheless is what everyone here needs. Roman, you are overworked.”

“Hypocrite!” Roman shrieks. 

Virgil rolls his eyes again, and grits out, “We’re all overworked. Even me.”

“Me too,” Patton finally says quietly, breaking his silence. 

Virgil eyes him warily, concern flooding his chest. Patton merely smiles back. Virgil knows it’s fake and Patton must notice the scrutinizing gaze Virgil is giving him, because he shrinks a little further back.

“So... we settle on a reasonable sized break,” Thomas says. He looks at Roman, expression inviting. “It’ll do us all good.”

Roman frowns, then slumps his shoulders. He nods. 

“Excellent!” Logan says. “I will begin immediately planning the optimum time of rest for us all.”

“Logan, you don’t have to start right away- ah. Oh well. He’s already gone.”

And indeed, Logan had sunk down already, apparently to begin planning.

“I’m... sorry, you guys. I got a little... passionate there,” Roman admits.

“You did,” Virgil says. “But it’s okay. We all mess up.”

“So I’m... good?” Roman asks. 

“You’re good, Princey,” Thomas says. 

Roman smiles, sinking out. Then Thomas lets the other two know he’s going to grab some pizza from the fridge and Virgil and Patton are left alone. Once Virgil is sure the two are on their own, he directs his gaze to Patton who is determinedly avoiding his gaze.

“Patton,” Virgil urges. 

Patton looks up. “Hm?”

Virgil crosses his arms and frowns. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Patton says. 

“Don’t lie.”

Patton flinches. “It’s really nothing. Just something silly, kiddo. Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m already worried, so nice try. Spill.”

Patton swallows and he walks across the room to sit beside Virgil. “I feel... bad.”

“Why?” Virgil asks. 

Patton takes a deep breath. “I don’t like it when everyone starts yelling. And I really don’t like that it might make you feel like... like we’re all against you or something.”

Virgil smiles hesitantly. “Dude. We’re all gonna fight sometimes. It doesn’t... have to be the end of the world anymore.”

“‘Cause we’re all friends now.”

Virgil feels his cheeks heat in response. “Yeah. That.” 

Patton grins and wraps his arms around Virgil’s waist. “I love you, kiddo.”

“You say that a lot.”

“I mean it. And it never hurts to remind people.”

Virgil sighs in contentment and rests a hand on Patton’s hair. 

“Guess you’re right.”

**_III. stumbling_ **

Virgil thinks he understands why Patton likes to remind people when he can that they’re loved. Because late at night, when he’s all alone, he wishes he could remember. Remember that he’s loved. Remember that he’s not the villain, not the bad guy, not the _worst fucking person on earth_ -

He can’t remember. When he lays in bed, he tries. He tries to convince himself that his friends love him and they’re working together now, not against each other. The others are willing to work with his idiosyncrasies and accept him. He’s not an outcast anymore. He’s not-

But all alone, it’s hard to remember. 

  1. **_falling_**



Sometimes, the darkness seeps in. And it overtakes him. And he can’t remember, can’t remember at all. And Virgil is the worst person on the planet.

He’s the villain. 

  1. **_a hand to hoist you up_**



“Virgil?”

Virgil looks up from staring at his mug, sitting on the kitchen table, and sees Logan standing in the entryway. It’s dark but Virgil still catches the indentation of worry pressed into Logan’s brow.

“‘Sup?” he asks. 

“Virgil. It is well past five in the morning.”

“I... just woke up?”

Logan sighs, rolling his eyes and shaking his head, as he makes his way into the kitchen and opens up the refrigerator. He grabs the milk and pours himself a glass and makes his way over the kitchen table. He sits across from Virgil. 

“I do hope that isn’t coffee. Caffeine at this hour is detrimental to your sleep schedule.” 

“It’s vodka.” 

Logan looks even more alarmed. “That is even more detrimental than coffee.” 

“I’m kidding. It’s Kool-Aid.”

Logan snatches it, gazing into the cup disbelievingly. He takes a sip and frowns. He slides it back to Virgil. “Why are you up and drinking Kool-Aid at this hour?” 

“‘Dunno. Isn’t it my thing? Staying up with the darkness, doing villainy things.”

“Virgil, you are not a villain. And you and I both are aware that staying up late only will worsen your anxiety?”

“Well, who cares about my anxiety? If it’s not hurting anyone but me, why does it matter? I’m literally anxiety, dude. It’s my fate.” Virgil scowls then takes a sip while Logan studies him quietly. 

“I am inclined to believe you are currently suffering from a cognitive distortion.” 

“Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

“You are undermining your value. Undermining the care that your friends have for you. If anxiety negatively affects you and you alone, it still is something of concern because it hurts you.”

“So?”

“So, we worry for you.” Logan moves his thumb over the rim of his glass and sighs tiredly. “You are our _friend_ , Virgil.”

Virgil tries- he really does. He grits his teeth and swallows and stares at the ceiling. But even still, a tear slips down his cheek. 

“I’m sorry I was so hostile for you guys for so long,” Virgil says. 

“It is well in the past,” Logan says softly. 

“Thank you for caring about me.”

Logan doesn’t respond. Then after a while, “We ought to attempt to sleep for a couple more hours.” 

Virgil doesn’t even argue. He follows Logan to the sink to rinse their glasses. He doesn’t even bat an eye when Logan settles on one end of the couch. Virgil settles down in the other. 

He doesn’t sleep. But he doesn’t feel like the world’s ending anymore. So there’s that.

  1. **_two steps forward_**



Virgil, for the literal embodiment of anxiety, loves calm. He doesn’t like to work, right? And when there’s danger, that means work. It only makes sense that, when there’s calm, he can relax. 

But still, even with the calm, he fears there’s gotta be something wrong. He lays in his room, taking deep breaths, and tries to remind himself that Thomas is okay and there’s nothing to worry about. He’s not going to die. 

He’s beyond the point of being on edge when Thomas summons him in the living room. And it doesn’t help that he’s the only one there, the others nowhere in sight. 

“Uhm... Hey?” Virgil says. 

“Hey, Virge,” Thomas says. He smiles. “How are you doing?”

Virgil deflates. “Look, can we just get to the point? If it’s bad news, just... don’t try to soften it.”

Thomas frowns. “There’s no bad news.”

“Slightly bad?”

“No.”

“News that’s good but actually has an undercurrent of ‘bad’ to it that makes you wonder if it could even be considered good news in the first place?”

“Uhm... no?” Before Virgil can open his mouth again, Thomas raises his hand and smiles again. “I just wanted to tell you I’m proud of you.”

“You’re. What?” Virgil tries his best to act casual, even as his heart beats wildly in his chest. 

“I’ve noticed the progress you’ve made. And I don’t know if anyone’s told you yet, but you’re doing a really good job. I’m proud of you.”

Virgil feels a tiny smile itching at the corners of his mouth. He smooths it into an embarrassed scowl. “Yeah, uh... yeah. Cool.” Thomas’s smile widens. “You’re not going to hug me, are you? Because I get enough of those from Patton.”

Thomas laughs. “No. But we can... fist bump?”

Virgil rolls his eyes. “Really? A fist bump? You’re such a dork.”

Virgil gives him a fist bump anyway. ~~And despite what he’d said a moment ago, there’s a hug somewhere in there as well.~~

 

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the @spookyson-zine on Tumblr. Please check it out. It’s stuffed with amazing content. ♥


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